getting drenched

I was finishing up Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies this afternoon (I finally finished a whole book!), and I came across this beautiful quote about letting go & living fully. It's something that I need to be reminded of constantly: life is messy. That's okay.

Christianity is about water: "Everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters." It's about baptism, for God's sake. It's about full immersion, about falling into something elemental and wet. Most of what we do in worldly life is geared toward our staying dry, looking good, not going under. But in baptism, in lakes and rain and tanks and fonts, you agree to do something that's a little sloppy because at the same time it's also holy, and absurd. It's about surrender, giving in to all those things we can't control; it's a willingness to let go of balance and decorum and get drenched.

September newsletter article

I was one of the "good kids" growing up. I did my homework. I had friends that were more or less responsible. I was active in church and youth group. I believed in Jesus.

Really, though, underneath my "church kid" appearance, I was coasting. It wasn't until my junior year of college that I really started to understand that believing in Jesus and loving Him are two very different things. And the reason I started to understand was because I had two friends that didn't just believe in Jesus - they spent time with Him, interacted with Him, let themselves be loved by Him, and loved Him in return. Because they allowed me to witness that relationship at work in their lives, I caught a glimpse of what a relationship with Christ should look like in my own... and I began to grow.

You see, I was a Theology major in college. I studied the Bible inside and out. I aced exams on Paul's letters. I knew about Christianity. But none of my professors and none of my classes pushed me forward the way that my friends did. That's because the thing that truly transforms people is not hearing a convicting sermon, or being trained in theology: what is transformational is seeing Christ active in someone's life. That's why Paul spent so much time giving encouragement and instruction about how to live in community with other believers: because iron sharpens iron. When we let others walk alongside us and bear witness to our relationship with God, He uses our story to reach and encourage others. It's not because we are perfect or wise or holy... it's because Jesus, the Word of God, lives in us, and He is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. He can take even our sinful, broken stories and use them to encourage and sharpen the hearts of our brothers and sisters. But he can't do that unless we let others in.

We do not exist in a vacuum. We are constantly influencing the lives of the people that God directs into our paths, whether we want to or not: but we can choose to live with intentionality. We can choose to share our lives with others - not superficially, but honestly.

I leave you with a quote from Thomas Merton's No Man Is An Island.

As long as we secretly adore ourselves, our own deficiencies will remain to torture us with an apparent defilement. But if we live for others, we will gradually discover that no one expects us to be "as gods." We will see that we are human, like everyone else, that we all have weaknesses and deficiencies, and that these limitations of ours play a most important part in all our lives. It is because of them that we need others and others need us. We are not all weak in the same spots, and so we supplement and complete one another, each one making up in himself for the lack in another.

Verses Referenced:
Colossians 3:12-17, Proverbs 27:17, Hebrews 4:12, Romans 1:11

bless it!

hide, n. the skin of an animal, esp. when tanned or dressed.

This morning after breakfast, my roommates learned that my eyes had yet to be graced by the delightful scenes of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. The situation was immediately remedied - I haven't laughed that much at a movie in quite some time.

All I have to say after finishing it is this: the next time some burly mountain man wanders into Anacortes and starts swinging around lampposts belting out "Bless your beautiful hide!" in a resonating bass, I just might swoon.

As long as I can finish my chores first.

...and sometimes, he's obvious about it.

I have this problem. I've turned 23. That means that the days of piggybacking onto my parent's health insurance plan are over, and it's up to me to research, choose, and purchase a health insurance plan so I don't go broke if I break my arm. (get it? broke... break... *cough*)

The truth of the matter is, I've been putting this off for months now. My poor mom. First it was, "Courtney, you had better buy health insurance... you'll lose coverage in April!" Then it was, "Courtney, you're losing coverage this month, so you had better hurry up and buy health insurance..." Finally, the tone grew more frantic (or exasperated) and the mantra became, "Courtney! YOU'RE NOT INSURED. You haven't been for a month. You've got to buy health insurance NOW."

Yeah, yeah. I get it, you know? I need to be covered in case fall over when I'm rollerblading, or in case I accidentally drive my car through Burger King. But I put it off... and put it off... and put it off... the idea of spending hours wading through pages of insurance lingo just wasn't very motivating. I even put sticky notes all over my room that said things like, "BUY HEALTH INSURANCE" and "Look both ways before crossing the street... YOU'RE NOT INSURED." Still didn't do it.

Finally, last Friday rolls around. It's my day off, and I'm laying in bed trying vainly to formulate a to-do list for the day. Jesus, I'm praying, what do you want me to use this day to do? How would you have me spend it? I'm drawing a blank, I can't even think right now. Help!

I get up to check my e-mail. First one I open says this, no joke:

And they tell me that God doesn't have a sense of humor... pssh. Either that or he's like my mom, thinking, "Does she really have to ask me what to do today? Sheesh, girl. Use that brain I gave you!"

I'm insured now. Regence has some great high-deductible plans that still cover preventative care...

...?

There have been several times in the past week when I've wanted to write something. But that's about where my thought process stops: because as soon as I think, yes, updating my blog is just the thing to do right now, I draw a complete blank as to what to write. Total creative void. Blogger's block. I've been doing the same thing with journaling, too (which I think is just a poor excuse to not do it.)

Usually I find that, even when I start out with nothing but dust specks floating around in my mind, the process of composing thoughts on paper kicks my mind into gear. A lot of times it takes several minutes of writing for me to realize what's really on my heart.

... bah. Too tired to really think now. On an entirely irrelevant note, a friend introduced me to seeqpod.com - a really useful site that lets you search for songs and videos and add them to an online playlist (thanks, Bryce!). I've been using it to make playlists to listen to at work. If you click on the link in the sidebar, you can link to a playlist of the songs that are stuck in my head. Then the can be stuck in your head, too. Aren't you glad?