the story of love

If you could show me the story of love
I would write it again and again

I was listening to Caedmon's Call's 40 Acres CD the other day as I was madly wrapping presents at the store, and these lyrics grabbed at my attention. They have come to mind a lot recently as I have been wrestling with some of the ways that God is working in my life. Why on earth would God do that?, I wonder. That's not normal! He hasn't worked in this way in my friends' lives! I question whether or not things really are from God when they don't fit "the pattern" that I see in books or in the lives of those around me.

Despite my questioning, every time I quiet my heart and listen for God's voice, he gives me confirmation.

"Is what I'm telling you contrary to scripture?" he prods.

"No," I grudgingly admit.

"Have trusted friends who love Me balked when you've sought their advice?"

"No, they've been supportive."

"Then basically, you're just squirming because you're in unfamiliar territory and you don't know what the future holds or where I'll lead you, right?"

"I guess, yeah. Okay. You're right." I mumble.

"Then give me a little credit here! I created you for a purpose. I love you and will never leave you or forsake you. I know you better than you know yourself: I am acquainted with all your ways, and I know your words before they ever reach your tongue. I have known what each day of your life will hold before even one of them came to be. Just trust in me with all of your heart, and don't try to lean on your own understanding. Acknowledge me in everything you do, and I will make your paths straight. Don't be wise in your own eyes: just fear me, and turn away from evil. If you seek my kingdom above all else, I will provide you with everything you need. I made you unique, with unique gifts, a unique personality, and a unique story: why do you feel like you have to compare your life to the lives around you? Don't judge yourself against them. It is before your own master that you stand or fall. And you will be upheld, because I am able to make you stand." (Joshua 1:1-9 / Psalm 139 / Proverbs 3:5-7 / Matthew 6:31-34 / 1 Corinthians 12:14-20 / Romans 14:4)

That's what is so beautiful about Jesus. His is the story of Love. And then God writes that story again and again, differently in each of our lives. It never gets old, boring, or worn-out; each of us have been created uniquely with different personalities and circumstances, so the story is different every time. But it's still the same story: the story of Love. The story of God loving us so much that he became one of us, suffered death, and rose again - all in order to restore our relationship with him. If my Savior loves me that much, whom have I to fear?

brief update on important things

So. I would have written in the last month, but nothing very exciting has happened. I mean... I graduated from college. I said goodbye to many dear friends and professors. I moved 300 miles away from the place where I've spent the majority of my last four years. I traveled back across the state to go to the wedding of one of my best friends. I watched my brother graduate from high school. I started work again. I helped my parents work on the house. To put it simply, there's been a lot of big changes in a short amount of time.

Here's a few pictures to illustrate:

Jay and I are in the back, with Mary and Keith in front. We took this at the Wild Horse Monument in Vantage, WA on the way to Melissa and Steven's wedding. The horses are (L to R): Stan, Larry, Gossamer, Elizabeth, and Norman.

Mr. and Mrs. Steven Cummings, en route to their reception at the Davenport. I love how this one turned out. The wedding was beautiful: they did a great job of combining their story and the story of God's love for us into one big meaningful-yet-fun party. :o) We even got a chance to swing dance at the reception!

And, last but not least, the graduations. I took the lead in May, then Erickson followed in June. My graduation was the day after his senior prom, but he got up early anyway and drove 7 hours so he could be there for it. Thanks brother!

I've also been working at RMAS again. It's good to be back. I had forgotten how much I love the store and the people I work with. I have some reading to do, though... I'm out of touch with the world of children's books after so long spent reading music and theology texts.

four years down, one final to go

It's incredibly strange to think that I am merely one final shy of the end of my academic career - at least for the foreseeable future. Although I admit that right now the "foreseeable future" only extends until about the 27th.

"How are you feeling?" everyone asks. "Are you excited to be finally done? What are your plans?" I usually reply with a smile and a shrug, which pretty much answers all three questions. How I'm feeling about it depends on the day. I'm torn between excitement at the prospect of a new and unknown future; sorrow at leaving a community that I love and am just starting to feel settled in; frustration at not being able to continue to study music here right as my interest and passion for it is building; and straight-up denial that any of this is really going on. On one level, it just doesn't make sense to me. Graduation? What does that mean? I'm supposed to know something now? For 17 years I have taken classes and soaked in information. Since before I can remember, my year has started in September and ended right around June. And now this shift out of academia is changing those familiar rhythms. I can't decide if I'm going to fall right in step with the new one or if it will take me awhile to adjust.

As for plans... well, I just don't know. I'm moving back to Anacortes for now. I'm working on a letter of intent for a ministry house that I'd like to open, to create a "home base" for the 20 to 30-year-olds in town. More on that later. I know that for the summer I will be working at the bookstore and hanging out with the youth group at church. Beyond that... who knows? But I truly am ok with those pages being blank.

For now, I have bigger bears to tackle: memorizing a semester's worth of various philosophers' ethical theories, internalizing seventeen centuries' worth of music history, and packing my life up so it can be moved 300 miles west. Onward!

Bloomsday!

For the uninformed, Bloomsday is an annual 12k (7.46 mi) race held in Spokane every year on the first Sunday in May. It's a pretty big deal in Spokane, and since I'm moving in 2 weeks I felt like it would be a good idea to participate this year. So, a few weeks ago, I called up my friend Michelle and said, "Hey, Michelle. Today's the last day to register for Bloomsday and I think we should enter." There was a short pause. "Uhhh... what? Okay... "

And we did. We ran/power walked (mostly power walked) all 12k and crossed the finish line victorious, having completed our first ever "big race."

We were pretty excited about it. I'm definitely looking forward to doing more of this type of thing in the future.

high-speed puddle-jumping?

I had a really good day today, for no particular reason. It was a deep and persistent good, full of potential: the kind of good that can only be expressed by spontaneously dancing to upbeat songs and smiling with friends as they talk.

This evening, I rode my bike to the HUB at around 8 to study. It had just gotten overcast, but the air was still warm from the sunny day.

When I left shortly after 11, it was raining. Hard.

What could I do? I tossed my bag into my makeshift milk-crate basket, squelched onto the sodden seat, and set off. It took me, oh, thirty seconds of riding through the rain to realize that home was not where I needed to be going right then. So I just rode. All over. I stopped at Mary's for awhile to say goodnight and tuck her in, then continued on my way. I must have wound around campus six or seven times before I finally made it home, dripping wet and hands stinging with cold.

I couldn't stop grinning; it was beautiful.
Happy Monday, everyone.