patience, trust, peace

O God of all seasons and senses,
grant me your sense of timing
to submit gracefully
and rejoice quietly
in the turn of the seasons.

In this season of short days and long nights,
of grey and white and cold,
teach me the lessons of waiting:
of the snow joining the mystery
of the hunkered-down seeds
growing in their sleep
watched over by gnarled-limbed, grandparent trees
resting from autumn's staggering energy;
of the silent, whirling earth
circling to race back home to the sun.

O God, grant me your sense of timing.

In this season of short days and long nights,
of grey and white and cold,
teach me the lessons of beginnings:
that such waitings and endings
may be a starting place,
a planting of seeds
which bring to birth
what is ready to be born -
something right and just and different,
a new song,
a deeper relationship,
a fuller love -
in the fullness of your time.

Ted Loder


This was the reading that framed the Whitworth Choir's Christmas concert this year. It resonates with me, as if this prayer was chosen specifically for me at this time in my life.

Being able to spend this last weekend in Seattle with so many dear friends was both wonderful, sad, and overwhelming. Seeing them - being surrounded again by music and companionship and familiarity - made me realize how completely at home I was with them last year. It also made me bitingly aware of how much I miss it, and how lonely and uncertain these last few months of my life have been. I feel like I am in a season of winter - there are short, glorious days of encouragement (like this weekend), but they are scattered between long nights of weariness, frustration, and uncertainty.

That's why Loder's prayer was so meaningful to me. It reminds me that the ending of school and the waiting, now, of not knowing quite which path I'm on, will be a starting place for something new - and right - and, yes, different. And even though my heart longs to return to the comfort and familiarity of that old song I knew so well - music, friends, studying, school - God is leading me to a new song, a deeper relationship, and a fuller love. Isn't it strange how we gravitate towards comfort? But comfort doesn't push us to growth. I know that eventually I will look back on this time and smile at the place it holds in my greater story. Unfortunately, that doesn't make the waiting any easier or the wilderness any less barren.

I recently listened to a sermon on prayer from my pastor in Spokane, Bill Mounce. He was discussing the ebb and flow, the seasons that we go through in life, prayer, and relationships. He illustrated the point by quoting Terry Muck, writing from the perspective of a farmer:

"The biggest difference I can see [between farmers and city-dwellers] is that city people always think that this year has got to be better than the last. If they don't get a raise, acquire something new, or find something somehow better off, they think they're failures.

Farm folks look at things a bit differently. We know that there are going to be good years and bad years. We can't control the weather, we can't prevent a bad crop, we can't control sickness. So you learn just to work hard, and make up your mind to take what comes."

God, grant me your sense of timing to submit gracefully and rejoice quietly in the turn of the seasons.