pursuit and response

I'm slowly working my way through The Pursuit of God by A. W. Tozer. It's a book I had to read in one night or so for a Theology class, so I've been wanting to revisit it and take the time to actually process what it says (instead of skimming it through just to grab some supporting evidence for an essay worth 50 points).

His first sentence hit me in the gut. "Christian theology teaches the doctrine of prevenient grace, which, briefly stated, means that before a man can seek God, God must first have sought the man. ... We pursue God because, and only because, He has first put an urge within us that spurs us to the pursuit."

There you have it. My first big lesson of the week: He started it. God did, I mean.

We're not chasing after a God that runs away from us. We hunger and thirst for Him because He put the desire in us. When dealing with other people, it can be easy for me to let my confidence slip if I'm not sure of where I stand. I'll put off or avoid calling or writing friends because that nagging voice creeps in: why am I assuming that these people actually want to talk to me? I wonder. My brain knows better than to buy into those lies, but sometimes that insecurity lingers in my heart. That's what's so beautiful about the pursuit of God: He called me first, and I can eagerly and wholeheartedly respond to His love because I know beyond a doubt where I stand with Him: I am loved. I am desired. I can approach the throne of grace with confidence (Heb. 4:16), knowing that the God who bade me seek His face (Ps. 27:8) will hear and answer my cry to know Him more (1 John 5:14-15).

Which leads into the second major lesson that I gleaned from Chapter One: "There is little that we need other than God himself. ... Lift up thine heart unto God with a meek stirring of love; and mean Himself, and none of his goods."

Ahhh, Tozer. You're piercing my heart. I know that this is true, yet often I find myself seeking the goods instead of seeking God. It is so easy to surrender all of my time to the "important" tasks that really don't matter: preparing a Sunday School or Youth Group lesson, nailing down those Car Rally details, printing off lyrics for worship practice. I'm doing all this for God, right? But he doesn't want me to just do things for Him. He wants me to do things with Him. I want so badly to have a heart that longs for and delights in God alone, and is content with knowing Him instead of trying to achieve and perform. But so often I feel like I don't even know what that looks like. He's calling me to Him... but whenever I try to "quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place," the to-do lists only scream louder, clamoring for my time and attention. Usually I divert my attention as requested; I can cross one more item off of "the list," but I haven't spent any time with my Savior. Exactly what I don't need.

I'll end this particular musing with Tozer's prayer, because it echoes very eloquently the longing of my heart.

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.